Time Travel - 2020

“Time travel - 2020”

Acrylic paint + Canvas
4x4x1.25 in.

This time travel series is inspired by the fluidity of time, space, and memory. In this pandemic, I've been exploring how interconnected and in movement everything is - from intergenerational trauma/healing to inner child work. I’m exploring traveling in and through the non linear relationship of time and space with curiosity, play, respect, and openness.

About “Time travel - 2020”: Content warning: anti asian racism

I have been reflecting on march and April of 2020 now that we are past the one year mark of the beginning of the pandemic. I’m time traveling back to the end of march when Tr*mp called covid the “Chinese virus.” At that time so much about the pandemic and quarantining was unknown, but anti Asian racism was too familiar and too unsurprising.

On March 18th, I went on my first 15 min walk four days into my quarantine. The first four days without human contact/touch in my life. Feeling hope that at the end of two weeks, life might go back to normal. But also feeling all the anxiety attack my body with fear of the unknown and known. On that walk, I felt dread leaving the front door of my apartment and I felt dread passing people 6 ft apart on the sidewalk. I didn’t know where that white rage would appear - rage against Asians for inconveniencing them and their families with the virus. Rage that their families and livelihood are threatened by the forever foreigners.

I didn’t venture outside my front door for weeks after that.

Hopping into another time portal to April 5th 2021, a white person was yelling with their windows rolled down as they drove past me while I was on a walk. My guard was already up and I stood alert ready for violent speech or worse - while my body/mind traveled back to March 18th on my first walk in the pandemic. The car past and the yelling wasn’t directed towards me, and I sighed a breath of relief - not this time. 

The echos of the recent past and echos of my ancestors are reverberating so loud. I’m taking time to ebb and flow with the grief of the state of our society. Grieving that our BIPOC community have to be on guard all the time and everywhere. Grieving the loss of life, health, resources, relationships due to white supremacy, capitalism, and all the intertwined systems of oppression.

Time Travel - 1997

“Time travel - 1997”

Acrylic paint + Canvas
4x4x1.25 in.

This time travel series is inspired by the fluidity of time, space, and memory. In this pandemic, I've been exploring how interconnected and in movement everything is - from intergenerational trauma/healing to inner child work. I’m exploring traveling in and through the non linear relationship of time and space with curiosity, play, respect, and openness.

About “Time travel - 1997”: At the beginning of the pandemic I downloaded Tiktok as a joke thinking I was too old for this generation Z trend. I quickly found out that it was nice to have a space where didn’t have to produce, and the algorithm picked up quickly what I was into - which is witty comedy, cats, healing, Chinese medicine, multiverse theories, and a sprinkle of activism (I have other sources that feed me anti oppression education). 

I cannot for the life of me find the video that was someone talking about what if we were actually time traveling when we revisit memories. When we think back on past events, we have more wisdom and advice for our past selves. And that could account for our intuition or gut feeing. Right now, our future selves could be time traveling to send us a message about our situation, and it translates into our present gut feeling.

This resonated with me, because I believe in intergenerational healing and relationships. And compared to that belief - this time travel in our own life span - isn’t much of a stretch. I know inner child work is powerful. It is essentially revisiting different past selves and extending the care and love that they needed. I love this theory of time travel, because it challenges my imagination of what could be. How can I play and heal through the possible fluidity of time and space? How can I try different portals and be open to shifts?

In 1997 I was 8 years old. I was able to turn off my emotions like a light switch. It was easier to not feel anything than to feel pain. I had the ability to know in an instant what was asked of me in any given context and shape shift. Seamlessly hopping in an and out of different social situations. I could be going through chaos at home and then the next second laughing as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. In a way, it wasn’t out of the ordinary. Shape shifting would be a skill that I would inhabit for a long long time. I’m thankful for it because I was doing my best to protect myself, and simultaneously it saddens me I had to protect myself.

As an adult, I’m learning how to give myself the proper space to feel. The sadness. The grief. The heartbreak. The joy. The contentment. 

I’m intentionally time travel to 1997 to reminder my 8 year self that she’s doing amazing. I understand why she took on her magic powers. But I’m here in my adult form, and she can put down her shields and be a kid. She deserves to be carefree and naive.

Time Travel - 1994

“Time Travel - 1994"

Acrylic paint + Canvas
4x4 in

This time travel series is inspired by the fluidity of time, space, and memory. In this pandemic, I've been exploring how interconnected and in movement everything is - from intergenerational trauma/healing to inner child work. I’m exploring traveling in and through the non linear relationship of time and space with curiosity, play, respect, and openness.

About “Time Travel - 1994”: An aspect that was revealing itself while I was painting this piece was the importance of honoring grief. Grief of what was lost - what I and the collective is losing. With these bright playful colors, I’m challenged to grieve without rushing. I’m challenged to grieve and see that it can exist and be honored while tending to myself. Portals appear where I can tend to my inner child. Time traveling to 1994 to my childhood room where I can remind her that she is worthy just as she is. She’s 5 years old and too attentive to keeping herself inline - trying to earn acceptance and love. But my adult self shows her that she is doing her best and that’s enough. I’ve time traveled to her to show her that I’m here, will always be here, and chooses to love her unconditionally.

This oppressive white supremest society will try its best to strip her from her body telling her that it’s ugly and bad. That it’s too Chinese. That she should be careful not to let her parent’s accent come through. That appeasing and contorting for the white gaze will save her. Will reward her, and it does - just like how a mirage rewards your hope just long enough. But soon enough she will learn after many many tries that a mirage is a mirage no matter how many people tell you it’s real.

Time traveling helps me make sense and extend more self compassion. Of course connecting with my body, my embodied medicine, my ancestors, and my truest form is hard sometimes. Just hopping through this portal, I can see that at the young age 5 (and probably way younger) I understood the terms and conditions of my context.

Inner Child

“Inner Child”

Acrylic paint + oil pastels on canvas // 30x40 in

As some of you know, I took August off from leading workshops/webinars. The focus was to rest, regroup, dream, and reconnect with my painting practice. It was vulnerable to do that, because I’m healing from the capitalistic wiring where I feel the urge to constantly prove myself and to grind without resting.

So at the beginning of August, I started this art piece. It’s inspired by the Ancestors workshop series I did alongside many of you. I heard my ancestors encouraging me to slow down, give myself permission to have pleasure, nourish my inner child, and let my Leo fire burn with all the rage and joy.

I did what I haven’t done in YEARS…I broke my own “rules.” I played with colors I haven’t painted with in my adult art practice. I tried to be curious about my perfectionistic urges and practiced to let go.

I felt my inner 7 yr old perk up! She is usually very reserved and self protective, but the colors and intentions was nourishing and inviting.

I honestly have never allowed myself to work on an art piece over a month’s time, because I usually feel rushed - and want to see results FAST. But going slower in this process is helping me see that liberation work is about sustainability. It’s the long haul. How do we prioritize our health? How do we prioritize our true wellness? How do we set up systems where we minimize burn out?

It will never be about how fast we can consume or produce.