WORD:
RESET
There were some extreme highs and lows in the month of February. The main thing that I walked away was how important it is to reset - take a break - take a breath. When I went for a getaway to Mexico, I realized it was WAY TOO LONG that I took a break. Not just a break from work, but a break from emotional work. I feel like there’s this pattern that I do (that I know a lot of you do too), and it’s saying yes to so many things - then realizing there’s not enough margin for other things that I didn’t consider like rest - then having to cut out many things to make space before I seriously burn out. THEN the feeling like I need to prove myself or to do my part kicks in and it starts again. Taking a break from everything for a longer period time then 1 hr seems to be helpful to recalibrate. It doesn’t mean that the work isn’t good or the opportunities aren’t important, but it helps to focus on what is the goal?
Sometimes doing good things can suck the soul out of you. I have learned that everything comes with some sort of cost, and it is necessary to take inventory of what I have to give in that moment. I don’t have to pay the physical/emotional cost to say yes to taking on a new project or calling out someone.
The goal for me is to embrace my wholeness and to bring out the wholeness of others. Also in getting rid of self oppression, THAT is a way of advocacy for others too. It isn’t helpful for others if I’m burned out and resentful. It IS helpful for me to grieve for what is lost and to celebrate what is gained.
Mexico:
I went to Mexico with Jaclyn Simpson to visit Matt + Stevi Savage and kids. Talking about resetting, I felt my tension melt away in the sun. My knots loosened and my body settled into a sense of newness as I was in the water. IT WAS MAGIC.
Womxn taking space
Houseshow
Near the end of February, Eliana Blancas and I started an online conversation and this is how I started it:
“For the past two years, I have been ultra aware and conscious of how my body and presence is treated - not only as a womxn, but also as a womxn of color. The way that things are defaulted (white cishet male), I have made myself small and in other cases been made small. I know the feeling of taking up space and feeling empowered by others around me. I also know the feeling of taking up space and feeling the disapproval in the room - and then going home and crying because of the lack of space for me.
Eliana Blancas (an amazing community organizer and chef) and I are hosting online conversations in honor of International Womxn’s Day on March 8. (WOMXN: self identifying womxn including transgender woman, gender fluid / gender non-conforming.) We want to hear stories and conversations of how we can celebrate womxn, empower womxn, create space for womxn. Especially in line with #TWintersectionalfridays, I’m interested in stories of how black and non black WOC are forced to be made small from birth - and how it is to occupy and FULLY EMBODY yourself as multidimensional human..In the next two weeks, I will be sharing stories and thoughts about taking space as a womxn. Please join me and use the hashtag: // #womxntakingspace //”
The houseshow was POWERFUL. There was SO MUCH participation from the audience when we opened it up to dialogue, and there was an astounding sense that this space was needed. SO much so, we are putting on another one! It will be on April 20th! Contact me for more info if you want to attend.
VISUAL:
Safe space:
Iwrote the following in an IG post
I've been thinking alot about safe spaces, and how there really isn't such a thing as a completely safe space. When interacting with any human there's a always an element where there is risk of hurt/misunderstanding - especially when it enters discussions about race/misogyny/sexuality etc. And especially when there is vulnerability involved. With openess to be known there is also openess to be hurt.
So what I'm trying to figure out is knowing my own triggers (I'm currently in a very raw place when it comes to race), when is it wise for me to engage in conversation? I know that I want to, because healing and empathy could come from those interactions. BUT what if the other person haven't begun antiracist work? Learning from @wherechangestarted , that process doesn't stop with awareness or education. And also, what if the cost is too high for me when they aren't ready to engage (causing more trauma, more physical pain, more emotional damage)? Basically, I'm trying to navigate how to take care of myself AND make helpful decisions that has integrity WHILE having grace for myself and others. 😳
I loved what @britthawthorne wrote about how she doesn't want to teach her sons to navigate white spaces, but to create spaces for themselves. I feel like I need to teach myself that! How to not center whiteness, but create a place of true and deep "harmony and balance with my words and actions" like what Britt wrote. ❤️
“It isn’t up to people of color to inform or reform white people. As “White people, stop asking us to education about racism,” a collective piece from an African American voice on Medium, so clearly explains, “Don’t ask us to provide the information for you. Instead, participate in your own education. We’ve already given you enough of our free labor. Don’t ask us for anymore.”
If you’re trying to unlearn the biased systems in America that are designed to keep people of color down, here are 10 books about race in America you can start with.”
What is white PRIVILEGE, really?
By Teaching tolerance // Cory collins
“White privilege is—perhaps most notably in this era of uncivil discourse—a concept that has fallen victim to its own connotations. The two-word term packs a double whammy that inspires pushback. 1) The word white creates discomfort among those who are not used to being defined or described by their race. And 2) the word privilege, especially for poor and rural white people, sounds like a word that doesn’t belong to them—like a word that suggests they have never struggled.
This defensiveness derails the conversation, which means, unfortunately, that defining white privilege must often begin with defining what it’s not. Otherwise, only the choir listens; the people you actually want to reach check out. White privilege is not the suggestion that white people have never struggled. Many white people do not enjoy the privileges that come with relative affluence, such as food security. Many do not experience the privileges that come with access, such as nearby hospitals.
And white privilege is not the assumption that everything a white person has accomplished is unearned; most white people who have reached a high level of success worked extremely hard to get there. Instead, white privilege should be viewed as a built-in advantage, separate from one’s level of income or effort.”
podcast:
Still processing: M.J.
Ok so I watched the documentary “Leaving Neverland” about Michael Jackson sexually abusing children. It was INTENSE. This podcast episode helped me process the documentary.
book:
Colorless tsukuru tazaki
by haruki murakami
I blew through this book! It was the perfect getaway novel I needed this month.
Intersectional fridays:
Week 10 // Saira @confessionsofamuslimmom
Lots of tears:
Christchurch mosque massacre
So much mourning and grief marked March. Islamophobia/white supremacy killed 50 muslims, and it was one of the most heart breaking experiences. Now that almost a month has past, let us not forget the violence that white supremacy has on BIPOC, and I hope that it will boost our energy in putting in our best to fight it on a personal, interpersonal, and systemic level.
Organization:
The conscious kid
I have to write about The Conscious kid again! Because they are doing a series called “Kids and Race.” It’s about the importance of educating our kids well about race and also HOW to do it. Here is a quote from THIS POST. I love this series, because it gives me hope of the next generation. I also love it because it gives me the tools to teaching adults - if a 5 yr old can understand it, an adult can too. With how fragile adults can be, the same knowledge and approach can be applied.
“As explicit racism frequents our news and our communities, white parents have concerns about how to raise white kids who are kind, compassionate and, importantly, not racist. The advice they most often receive is simple: talk more to your kids about race and racism. This is certainly important. But I have seen first-hand that it is not enough.
White kids learn about race as a result of their own independent experiences — not just conversations. Their lived experience and their interactions with peers, teachers, neighbors, coaches, siblings and strangers matter greatly. The choices parents make about how to set up children’s lives influence their kids’ ideas about race and racism. The neighborhood they live in, the school they attend, and the activities they participate in set the parameters for how kids understand race. And this is true whether parents are consciously aware that these choices matter or not, and regardless of what parents explicitly say about race.
Everyday behaviors of white parents also matter: when to lock the car doors, what conversations to have at the dinner table, what books and magazines to have around the house, how to react to news headlines, who to invite over for summer cookouts, whether and how to answer questions posed by kids about race, who parents are friends with themselves, when to roll one’s eyes, what media to consume, how to respond to overtly racist remarks made by Grandpa at a family dinner and where to spend leisure time. (Restaurants, vacation destinations and community events can be deliberately and by-default mostly white — or purposefully not.)
Parents may not even be aware that they are conveying ideas about race through these behaviors, but children learn from them all the time.
The conversations parents have with their white children about race and racism matter — it’s just that so does everything else parents do. Rather than focusing solely on what they say to kids about race, white parents should think more critically and carefully about how what they do on an everyday basis may actually reproduce the very racist ideas and forms of racial inequality that they say they seek to challenge.”
AOKI - a humble beginning
march 31st
I’m so honored to be part of the AOKI team! We put on our first public art event at the end of March, and it was so amazing to see it come together. The artists created an atmosphere of rest and playfulness while preserving excellence and intentionality of their art. It made me so happy watching the participants interact with the art and performances. Make sure to sign up for AOKI’s newsletter for the announcement of our next event!
