Hello! I can’t believe it is October already! I have your monthly roundup of where I’ve been moved and inspired by.
WORD:
Fragile
September was ALOT. There were some really good times of celebration, but overall I’ve been feeling really papery - if that’s even a word. Especially since the Kavanaugh hearing. The feeling is less angry (which is has been more or less my go to this year) and more fragile. A lot of people have been vulnerable to me this month and many people have written about their own sexual assault online that I’ve been reading - and it all feels really heavy. As a enneagram 4, I’m feeling a lot for women around me and its kicking up things for me too. So yes this month feels papery and vulnerable, and I think it’s good. It’s good to to grieve and mourn with one another.
VISUAL:
Article:
I think reading opinion pieces keeps things human - so here are two. And a bonus third one about the concept of virginity.
make my sexual assault count
“Telling our stories is hard, but there is power in them. When we say them aloud, we release the shame that never should have been ours to begin with. I didn’t want to hold onto this story anymore. I wanted to tell it and be free.
And I don’t want this to be a problem for only women anymore, one more thing for us to quietly endure, to not make a scene about. I want this to be America’s problem. I want it to be Congress’s problem. I want it to be the problem of every senator who believes Dr. Blasey but votes for this nominee anyway, of every lawmaker who tells Dr. Blasey she must be “mixed up.” I want it to be the problem of Mark Judge. I want it to be the problem of every man who saw something but said nothing.”
“Judge Kavanaugh clumsily dodged a number of times when senators asked him about his drinking habits. When Senator Amy Klobuchar gently pressed him about whether he’d ever blacked out from drinking, he at first wouldn’t reply directly. “I don’t know, have you?” he replied — a condescending and dismissive response to the legitimate exercise of a senator’s duty of advise and consent. (Later, after a break in the hearing, he apologized.)
Judge Kavanaugh gave categorical denials a number of times, including, at other points, that he’d ever blacked out from too much drinking. Given numerous reports now of his heavy drinking in college, such a blanket denial is hard to believe.
In contrast, Dr. Blasey bolstered her credibility not only by describing in harrowing detail what she did remember, but by being honest about what she didn’t — like the exact date of the gathering, or the address of the house where it occurred. As she pointed out, the precise details of a trauma get burned into the brain and stay there long after less relevant details fade away.”
“The idea of your first penis-in-vagina sexual encounter being something significant and life altering (well, for women anyway) has origins in women being considered property.
That is to say, virginity is a social construction that came about because of the commodification of women.
Since women were (and sometimes still are) considered property, when they got married, they were passed on to their husbands from their fathers. You know the whole father-walks-his-daughter-down-the-aisle tradition? Well, it represents a transfer of property from her father to her husband. Her father was literally giving her away.
A woman’s sexual purity became very important because of this. Her virginity was seen as one of the most important things about her.”
MUSIC:
ALOT of Frank Ocean has been played this month.
PODCASTs:
My favorite murder
I haven’t been feeling like diving into deep podcasts, and this podcast has been on a lot this month. Every time I do the dishes or commute, this podcast is on. It’s great if you love hearing unfortunate stories and also laugh (in an appropriate kind of way since the topic is murder).
Movies:
MAniac
This Netflix series was incredibly enjoyable in a weird way! I highly recommend it!
aoki
Did you know that I’m the Creative Director of an arts non profit called AOKI? I've been with the founder and director of AOKI, Aiyana Taylor, developing and growing it for little more than the past 2 years. We had our first event/fundraiser on September 30th, and it was INCREDIBLE. I was so inspired by the artists involved and the collaborations and friendships that have grown out of putting on this event. I also had the opportunity to do an art installation that involved the collaborative work of everyone who came to the event! Please check out AOKI and support by donating to this new nonprofit!
collaboration with Kamau Pendergrass (musician), Alex Kelly (poet), and Paige Fraser (dancer)
With Aiyana!
With Paige and Alex!
MEMORY MONDAYS:
My mom and I in front of the Chinese church
Today is week 39 of #TWmemorymondays!
Most of you probably already know this, but I'm going to cover basic background for those who are new. My parents grew up in Hong Kong, and immigrated to California in their 20's. I was born in the Bay Area, and lived there until college.
When my parents moved here, they joined Chinese community church where they became very involved and found a new home in. Most of the people who attended this church also immigrated and mostly spoke Cantonese (which my parents did also). I was basically born into the community along with many of my childhood friends who were also second generation. (Swipe to see a photo of my mom and me in front of the church.) I have so many fun memories of playing with my friends after church during my parent's choir practices or meetings. SO MANY MEETINGS - but that just meant I went to my friends' houses and hung out multiple times a week.
A memory that sticks out to me is the smell of Chinese (the real kind) food filling the halls of church after the service has ended. After the church service and before my parents' choir practice, everyone who was part of the choir and their families had lunch together. Every Sunday, it was the routine to have lunch together for basically all of my childhood. The whole hall was filled a mix of chinese and english - because most of the adults spoke chinese and most of the kids spoke english. Just the combination of the smell, the anticipation of food, the sound of moving chairs, and announcement that people can get their lunch - it brings back such a feeling of comfort.
My family was part of that church until I entered high school, and then we moved to a church that was predominantly white. As you can guess, it was a huge life and culture change. I was of course part of many other contexts where I was a minority, but when it came to core community - I was usually around people who looked like me. The part that was most obvious to me was (white) people's nice cautiousness to approaching my family - like the cultural divide was a bit too much...kind of inconvenient. This was such a huge contrast where we were seen and really known in the Chinese community. In the white culture, that complexity seemed to be flattened out to one dimension - which is OTHER.
At the new church, my parents also sang in the choir, and there was dinner served there before rehearsal. Dinner was chicken alfredo with garlic bread, or chicken parmesan, and that sort of traditional "American" food. Nothing is wrong with that of course, but it does not ring true to my family's comfort/heart food - and talk about contrasting experiences!
Now I want to point out something that I've noticed in my life: when it comes to race and particularly socializing with POC, there seems to sometimes be this paralysis that white people get. It's caused by not wanting the POC to feel "other," and feeling scared they will say the wrong thing - or not say something they should say. As a POC, it's the worst feeling, because under the niceness there's a deep division and caricature-ing of me.
What SHOULD happen (in my opinion - can't talk for all POC), an internal acknowledgment that the person has a brown/black ethnicity and internally celebrating that, then proceed to be authentically curious about their life without bringing up the fact that they are a POC. THEN, when the relationship has been built, be verbally curious about their ethnic background/experience. And do all of this without the agenda of proving something to them or others or wanting to offer some information about how much you know about their culture.
Easy right?? It's not easy, because our white supremest society doesn't set up POC to be seen as equal of dignity and worth. I want you to see color and to celebrate/embrace it - this act is powerful, takes a lot of work, and VERY inconvenient. But that's the thing about breaking evil systems - it takes sweat, tears, discomfort, and many inconvenient interactions.
......
#TWmemorymondays: A painting inspired by a memory every Monday of 2018. Connecting abstract art to real life. Week 39/53. 'Church' / 8x8 in / mixed media on paper
New mural
I painted my second indoor mural or a better term for it might be hand painted wallpaper. It was really fun, and I loved how it turned out!
I can’t say it enough: THANK YOU. Thank you for cheering me on!