REST AND TREES:
At the beginning of this month, I wrapped up the 6 week inner child workshop series as well as a webinar. Learning from August, I knew that it would take at least a week or two to arrive to a more balanced equilibrium in order to experience full bodied rest. And sure enough! I feel like I just arrived to a state where creativity is flowing and I’m feeling rested. October was so special, because this year I got to really bask in the beauty of fall here in Chicago. I’ve never slowed down this much to admire nature any other fall! Thankful for finding resource from nature and the changing seasons.
Before writing this I was reading last month’s post, and I’m encouraged that every month is different. Movement is constant. Thank goodness.
Living alone:
I still cannot believe we are 8+ months into this pandemic. Living alone during it has and still is teaching me so much. It’s brought up why and how I maintained such a jam packed busy life before the pandemic - I think I was subconsciously always in a rush to prove to myself and others that I have a purpose and there’s importance to my life. This life season is giving me an opportunity to align my beliefs with reality more. To heal. I DO have a purpose and have importance, and there’s nothing I can do or not do that will change that.
Do I completely embody that truth? Not yet, because I think it’s a life long journey.
I’m taking yet another 6 weeks (or more) sabbatical from facilitating workshops/webinars. Before, I don’t think I would have given myself permission, because it might seem lazy or indulgent or not serving my community enough. But the truth is: this is EXACTLY what it looks like for me to be serving my community well. Making sure I’m coming from a resourced place when I start workshops series is for the wellbeing of everyone involved. Practicing my healing and art is integral to my facilitation, because embodiment what I teach is key.
BIPOC liberation:
I’m working on a custom piece inspired by BIPOC liberation, and ever day I think about what does liberation mean as I paint. What does it feel like? What does it look like? Taste like? Sound like? What’s similar amongst the collective? What’s different between person to person or community to community?
I had a conversation recently about how important that there is anti oppression work alongside understanding how important joy/rest/laughter/celebration is. I’ve witnessed when there’s an imbalance of either one. If there’s over emphasis of anti oppression, there’s the possible danger of losing sight of the purpose (which is BIPOC liberation) while perpetuating oppression through exploitation of BIPOC martyrdom. And if there’s over emphasis of joy/rest/laughter/celebration without acknowledging systems of oppression, the implications are harmful and empty. The white wellness industry does that. It talks about rest without talking about privilege. And that’s violent.
As I’m painting this piece, I feel the power and celebration of what happens when there is acknowledgement of what’s wrong while embodying revolutionary resistance through BIPOC thriving.
Music:
I have two playlists for two moods I’ve been into as background music as I focus on other things like work or journaling. The first one is this Studio Ghibli playlist that has moody main character feels. Love playing this when it’s gloomy or rainy!
The second playlist is this Jazzy Morning playlist for sunny cheery days!
relationship with ig:
I really haven’t been feeling into Instagram for more than a month now. Don’t have many reasons for it, and practicing to give myself permission to honor how I feel. So I’m barely on there! Sometimes I feel guilty for not being more present there, because I know many of my connections with people in the community are existent there. Practicing to trust that they were still be there when I’m ready to connect. Also practicing trust that we all know life happens offline too! I’ve been enjoying my daily walks and tapping into my body and the physical world.
Books:
I took a break from reading and other ways of absorbing information like podcasts for awhile. I haven't had much capacity, and this is another way I’m giving myself permission to not intake more. So different before - I’ve definitely forced myself to do things even when I didn’t have capacity. Not anymore! This is a big lesson of 2020 - learning to honor where I’m at. But a week ago after some deep rest, I felt a shift of energy where I wanted to get back into reading. Feels so good!
Interior chinatown by charles yu
Listening to this book on audible, and I’m enjoying it so much! The writing is really brilliant and funny. Charles Yu gives a refreshing take on social commentary of being Asian American and the complexity of it.
Unconditional parenting by Alfie Kohn
When I was leading the inner child workshop series, I was talking to a dear friend about my thoughts about reparenting ourselves, and she gave me this book that she though I would enjoy. I’m only 30 pages in, but I’m already nodding and agreeing with so much that is written. SO MUCH we need to be thoughtful about. Good intentions about almost anything don’t mean much - we need to take a better look at implications.
our story by rao pingru
A book I have on lend from a friend is this beautiful book that’s a memoir by a Chinese writer/artist. I’m slowly making my way through enjoying it. I’m so inspired by the storytelling in it and the illustrations that accompany the stories.
netflix:
If you’ve watched this, you already know! It’s so good!!! And kind of ridiculous. Really enjoyed this documentary!
a new plant baby:
I really like her :). She’s grown up so much in the past few weeks!
I swear this photo is unfiltered and untouched! Unbelievable right? Right in a neighbor’s yard!!
word of the month: self-permission
Not a surprise! We all embody different kinds and levels of self oppression under white supremacy/capitalism/patriarchy. If left unexamined and unhealed, it will be the default. I’m learning that as I’m undoing and reclaiming, so much of it is seeing what blocks are there taught by society, and which ones do I have power to go against. WHILE acknowledging my privilege and seeing how it’s at play. But isn’t that the bulk of this work? Healing from external and internal oppression while reckoning with the layers of privilege? When we are doing both of these things, we have the opportunity to serve the collective in a truly loving way.
Fall cleaning:
For the first time in the many years I’ve lived in my studio apartment, I finally washed my windows on the inside and outside! It’s a small thing, but it’s a huge thing for me. Now my space is even brighter, I’m enjoying the sun and light/shadow movements every day. It really has brought me so much joy!
sending my love:
As the elections are coming up very soon. Take care of yourselves - be prepared for worst case scenarios, and have a plan for self care. Anxieties are high. We are in this together!