no words:
I think we can all agree that November was INTENSE. Honestly, I can barely comprehend all that happened this month and all it’s ups and downs. This was really the month to practice the skills and discoveries the pandemic has deepened: being in tune with my body responses, prioritizing rest, taking things slow, finding resource in relationships and being alone. The complexity of reality and all the feels will take awhile to process, and I’m only beginning to peel back the layers. Something that was a surprising source of comfort was that it was so incredibly warm and beautiful in occupied Chicago! On Election Day, I was at the park journaling in the sun. That’s unheard of here. One of the many things to be thankful for this month.
Remember this moment?:
Didn’t this feel like a lifetime ago? The days leading up to November 3rd was excruciating and the day of felt like a thousand years - I’m not even exaggerating the weight and anxiety I felt. It was not only personal, but it was collective and intergenerational. I knew that Biden/Harris winning the election won’t in any way transform our white supremest society, but Tr*mp being in office would 100% make it harder for Black and brown folks to stay alive. Again, I felt this energetically in my city so strongly.
I was terrified to be alone like as I was in 2016 when Tr*mp was elected. On the 3rd, I kept on having flash backs of that feeling…being alone and realizing what was happening - and the implications of that reality. So many tears of remembering and tears of grief of what the past 4 years has been to the BIPOC community. Tears for lives that were lost and terrorized. Tears for knowing that this system needs to be burnt to the ground, and even if Biden/Harris wins - we can barely categorize it as a “win.” But this year, I wasn’t alone. I had a quarantine friend be with me and lots of other friends checking in on each other. It was different this year, and I’m so thankful for community.
When it was official that Biden/Harris will be elected President and Vice President, I heard my neighbors blasting music and banging on pots and pans! Hearing the celebration made me cry with joy and grief. The relief! And the complexity!
The aftermath:
After Biden/Harris being announced as President and VP elect, the following week was…something. My body and mind shut down. I was in bed for a few days in a row feeling sick (non covid sick) and depressed. I had anxiety that something would happen and Tr*mp would suddenly become the winner of the election. I felt deep deep grief. It definitely was a trauma response for many things that I don’t think I’m fully aware of. The election was yet another reminder of how boldly white supremest this society is and how many people intentionally and unintentionally contribute to it. And I’m not even talking about conservatives vs liberals - it exists in both affiliations. So I stayed in bed and rested as all the feelings and responses circulated and released. Thankful for the privilege that I got to do that. Now - back to work, back to fight, and resting along the way.
I had the honor to teach a workshop and be on a panel for “Beam your Brilliance” conference. It was an incredible experience attending the different talks that highlighted BIPOC brilliance and ingenuity. Two highlights for me was 1) hearing McKensie Mack on a panel share their experience embodying a true roundedness and not centering whiteness. 2) Hearing Courtney Napier share about Black Oak Society in Raleigh, NC. Black Oak Society is a community collective that centers Black creatives, and it was so amazing to hear Courtney describe how it really is it truly serves the local folks and highlights their experience.
I shared these thoughts on IG:
Who is centered?
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I was chatting with a friend recently about events/circles/workshops, and how important it is to be very transparent who it centers and being as specific as possible. As an example I shared about @sharynaholmes conference “Beam your Brilliance” and that it was clearly stated that it centers BIPOC brilliance and needs. It shows the faces of who will be featured - no surprises. It also states that the conference attendance is open to everyone including white folks. I appreciate that there’s no guessing!
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As I’m in a new season of discovering my role in this time/space/lifetime, getting really clear on who and what is centered has been such a journey. You might have seen me pivot alot in the past year! I’m learning, listening, and constantly challenging my why, what, and for whom.
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I’m diving into how do you run a business that doesn’t play the game of capitalism? Just because I serve BIPOC doesn’t solve that - it’s easy to serve BIPOC and still perpetuate oppression. Putting the label “for BIPOC” doesn’t really do much in itself, and it can be more harmful. So being vigilant at finding cohesion from my internal landscape to the external expression is on going.
Perfectionism:
Another post from IG this month
Perfectionism
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Some life themes never get old like this one! In our collective conversations, I think we are getting to a place where we are all familiar with the idea of perfectionism as an outpouring of colonialism. Every decolonial workshop I host, this is a consistent theme. But are we familiar with the nuance of this embodied concept? For BIPOC and each person’s privileges, showing up in a colonial “perfect” way is about survival especially in public places. Consequences of not performing “perfectly” are real for many BIPOC and can easily be life or death situation. Code switching is a form of survival.
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But are we also familiar with the conversation and practice of how we can support each other in creating more choices than we might think there are? And how perfectionism is different than excellence? For example, I’m exploring in my art how order and detailed attention can either feel rigid, soul sucking, and limiting. But that same precision can also feel liberating, fun, fulfilling, and embraces human-ness. What has to pivot internally (and as a collective) for the latter to happen?
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I’m also exploring what does that look like as a friend, facilitator, and neighbor? How do I position my privilege and opportunities to create spaces that open up choices for the BIPOC community? Going back to ways that BIPOC have to show up in certain spaces (like white spaces), how can we remind each other to continue to strengthen our connection with ourselves, ancestors, and BIPOC community? So that we aren’t locked into an either/or mentality. Either we figure out how to survive the terrain and lose ourselves OR disregard it all and put ourselves at risk of being unsafe or traumatized.
Books:
MEMORY POLICE BY YOKO OGAWA
I listened to this audio book this month, and I highly recommend it! I’m slowly making my way through Cat’s reading list, and I’m making pretty good head way. This book really was a great mix of fantasy and heartfelt narrative - it was exactly what I wanted. It made washing dishes and doing chores so much more enjoyable.
Interior chinatown by charles yu
Also finished this book! Highly recommend it if you’re looking for something witty, funny, and insightful with the Asian American identity and experience.
Unconditional parenting by Alfie Kohn
I’m slowly still reading this book. Realizing going slow with a book like this is important for me - so that I can actually digest it.
red at the bone by jacqueline woodson
This is up next - all queued up on my e reader!
Holiday season is here, and if you’re wanting to give books as gifts or maybe you want to gift yourself, Semicolon is a great bookshop to do that. I have my own semicolon BOOK WISHLIST available for you to browse through for inspiration.
Here are two books I ordered from there just a few days ago:
caste by isabel wilkerson
I listened to an interview of Wilkerson through the Fresh Air podcast this summer, and I’m excited to finally read this book.
A promised land by barack obama
I got this book for my partner, and I’m looking forward to hearing his thoughts about it. When we first started dating, we were going through 36 questions that lead to love, and the first question was “Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?” And one of the people he chose was Obama. So I thought this might be a fitting gift!
Ndnxazn:
I’m honored to be part of this art initiative that embodies solidarity between Indigenous and Asian folks, while bringing awareness to our respective cultures and uptick of violent during this pandemic. This project means so much to me - researching for it brought up so many intergenerational feelings as well as a refreshed determination of why I do what I do. Each Asian participant was paired with an Indigenous participant in collaboration. It was also incredible to be partnered with Jolene Chee. We shared stories of our families and histories, which was very inspiring and sobering to see what hasn’t changed much over the many generations.
To read more about the mask I made, you can read it below through the images or from the website.
This is the background and mission of the project:
“The act of wearing a surgical mask when sick in many Asian cultures has historically been an act of consideration for one’s community. In 2020, these masks have turned humans into targets of physical and verbal attacks, particularly those of Asian descent. The Covid-19 pandemic has also seen a rise in attacks on Indigenous Sovereignty as environmental agencies are disbanded, pipelines greenlit, and drilling of protected lands escalate. Indigenous and Asian communities are continuing to be affected negatively by this pandemic, beyond just the virus itself.
Asian and Indigenous communities and their struggles have historically been overlooked and buried in society as these two communities make up some of the smallest populations in the Americas. With an uptick in violence committed against both communities, this group of Indigenous and Asian artists came together in solidarity to create an art project using masks to create a conversation about our cultural experience of this global event.
The mission of this art project is to use mask coverings to represent our ancestral practices and wisdom, but also to demonstrate how Asian and Native women are often silenced. We, as artists and activists and educators, refuse to be silenced. Pandemics have historically wreaked havoc on Indigenous and Asian communities and we believe intersectional solidarity is the key to our collective liberation. Join us in this project that explores themes of protection, ancestry, anti-white supremacy, and solidarity building.”
SO EPIC RIGHT?! So glad I caught this conversation. One of the many things I walked away from this panel was when Adrienne Maree Brown and Dr. Angela Davis was talking about liberation language and accessibility to understanding liberation. AMB posed a question if we are more concerned about connecting with people or making ourselves superior? The conversation was about if institutions and students/professors are for local communities or for their own highbrow position. Even though I’m not in that world, it convicted me. It’s easy to use big words, but am I prioritizing the meaning more than my ego? While we are continually innovating new language to reflect the people, we need to always be reflecting if the use of language supports the purpose.
Another moment that made me cry was when Dr. Angela Davis was talking to the young people on the call, and she said she’s been teaching at universities since the 60’s and have seen many generations come and go - but THIS one is the best. This new generation is the most dynamic and committed. She expressed that she and all the activists of her time and before have been doing this work to see the younger generations rise up. “The best we can do is to create the terrain for a new generation” - Dr. Angela Davis. This stirred my heart and soul, because I believe in that. I am doing this work for the new generation and the generations after that. I might not see the work come into full fruition, but that’s ok - the legacy goes on. **cries**
comfort food:
Growing up I would have this Chinese tofu dessert called Dou Fu Fa. It’s really silky tofu and you pour on ginger sugar syrup on the top to sweeten it. IT’S SO GOOD! And I found out that this Chinese restaurant near me sells it. If you’re in the Chicago area, check it out: Hon Kee Restaurant.
bipoc holiday guides:
If you’re looking to support BIPOC businesses this holiday season, I have two lists for you! The first is by my dear IG friend @gabrielasage. Click on the image below to access the post.
The second list is by @selvanegra_:
Maybe you’re looking to contribute to directly to a fund instead of giving gifts - you can do so in the following ways or check out my website. <3
giving tuesday:
Consider contributing to my BIPOC Healing Fund - I am working on the next series of workshops, and want to continue to make my offerings accessible to all BIPOC who think they can find support in it. Also consider inviting those you know who believe in accessibility and decolonial healing to contribute!
I recently found a workshop that was about anti capitalism business building, and I couldn't afford attending. I knew that the facilitator had so much wisdom to share - wisdom that I could really use during this time of my growth. So I reached out, and they provided me a full scholarship for the event. THAT FEELING. I felt loved and taken care of. It doesn't make sense for me to go into financial debt so that I can be resourced enough to offer my community my gifts. It felt so honoring to receive that scholarship while knowing that the facilitator was being paid for her labor.
This experience gave me an embodied experience of what it's like to receive a scholarship that funded experiences that would bring me nourishment. I want this to happen everywhere all the time for BIPOC.
So I want to invite you to join me in distributing resources where it goes towards BIPOC who are seeking decolonial healing through art and reclaiming their connection with self and community. I believe that cultivating spaces where BIPOC can heal without the white gaze is very powerful and needed. My goal is to never turn down Black and Brown folks who think that my work can benefit them.
Here are three ways you can contribute to my BIPOC Healing Fund:
1) Give a one time contribution through Venmo: @tiffanywongart - put "BIPOC Healing Fund" in the description
2) Make a one time contribution through my website
figuring it out day by day:
Trying to find ways to release stress and to be connected to myself and others every day. It’s not easy, but I hope that this blog gives you inspiration and comfort. Feel free to say hi and tell me how you’re doing through IG DM’s - I would love to hear from you. Hope you’re taking care of yourself and being taken care of whether you can be together physically with loved ones or not. <3