SUmmer energy
Can you all believe we made it to summer? Every time I sit down to write these monthly updates, I get stunned at how time time is so slow and flying by. Something different happened in June: I felt more energy behind my work and projects. And more energy means my capacity is expanding. YAY it’s a good thing, because I’ve felt like I’ve been in a long long season of hibernation and recovery. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still taking things low and I’m doing some deep healing, but it feels good to feel some energy and excitement. It’s nice to be outside and look at the trees, birds, and flowers - and feel that same energy around me.
inner child art:
A few weeks ago in therapy, a really young inner child made herself present. What surfaced was this deep grief of her being aware of too much. Of how she affected others and her play was almost performative. My adult self was really called to explore reclaiming that kind of play I wish my inner child had more of - completely free of outcome, curious, uninhibited. So my therapist suggested that I dedicated time to do art that welcomes that very young part of me. So I took out Kraft paper, which I don’t ever use in my art practice or for work, and I followed my inner chid’s promptings. I found that she wasn’t as concerned about colors or how the paint looked on the paper, but she found enjoyment through the kinesthetic experience. She loved the bigger movements and how the paintbrush felt in her hand as she moved her arm back and forth. The art was more in the movement. I’m inspired to continue to do art that’s separate from my art “work” and to stay curious of what these sessions could reveal.
coregulation with animals:
I had the honor of petsitting for some dear friends! They recently got a new kitten, and it was so nourishing to be with the dog and kitten. I watched them start developing their own relationship with each other, which was really cute to watch. I also felt my body so at ease when I was with these two - coregulation was happening all around. It really reminds me how we aren’t meant to live isolated lives. And I’ve been reflecting on how living alone in this pandemic has been - especially how dysregulated I’ve been without another person or animal to regulate with. One of my cutest things was how they followed me from room to room when they were awake. That second photo was taken when I just came out of the shower, and they were patiently waiting side by side for me to come out :). Just as much as they helped me to regulate, and I think it was reciprocal on their end too!
books:
Yolk by H.k. Choi
I’m still reading and really enjoying this book!
Crying in h mart by Michelle Zauner
I impulsively started this book in June too - not knowing it was also about loss. Yolk and Hmart are definitely thematically similar, but I am so invested and loving both of these books. I’ve just been taking it slower than usual, because it’s bringing up so much deep feelings. I love how literature can really pull out the parts of you that can be hidden for so long.
All about love by bell hooks
I felt called to finally start reading this book. All my trauma and race books feel too activating for me right now. But the addressing of love while not excluding systems of oppression - its just right for this season. Excited to get deeper into this book! So far it’s already hitting me in a really meaningful way. Here’s a quote from the book that spoke to me:
things that brought me joy:
I was hammocking the other day under these trees with berries. I texted a friend who said they might be June berries, and after looking them up - they indeed were June berries! So after I read Yolk for awhile, I had a little snack thanks to my neighborhood trees. It made me so thankful and happy to take part in nature and abundance.
Seeing the flowers and trees blossom and bloom in my neighborhood this spring has brought me alot of joy! Being in the pandemic has taught me to slow down more and take in my surroundings for pleasure especially as I take walks. So simple, but it takes so much practice to savor well.
I’m part of Albany Park Defense Network, and from that organization I’ve also joined a Spanish/English language group. Now that pandemic restrictions are not as tight, we meet once or twice a month at a community garden and practice our languages. It has brought me so much joy being in the company of some incredible humans while learning together - and laughing alot! After one of the garden gatherings, I came across the sunset by the river. I was overcome by so much gratitude for all the beautiful things that were happening amidst a challenging season.
Food:
Missing my family and all the good food I enjoyed when I was in the bay!
When I was home, my mom dried (in the sun) bok choy for me to bring back to Chicago. Since my partner has been struggling with his health, I made a Chinese chicken broth. I didn’t have all the things my mom would usually put in it, but I included chicken, carrots, goji berries, ginger, and dried bok choy. Next time I will add more dried bok choy. It came out pretty good anyhow!
reminiscing:
I love these photos! My partner and I do weekly checking (mostly through emails and sometimes in person), and one new question that we added to our check in’s is: what childhood memory do you want to share? Two weeks ago, we were sharing some childhood memories with each other and I pulled up some photos. And I came across these two. They really speak to me. I love that sweater I’m wearing! So many feels - especially as I’m doing so much inner child work.
Juneteenth:
For Juneteenth I went to the DuSable Museum of African American history with a two friends. We also went to a Planks and Pistals Juneteenth installation. I’m continually reminded of my privilege as a NBPOC and that my pursuit of liberation is and will always be tied to Black femmes and trans folx. Doing my best is so much more than knowing the right words (which is important) and being up with the latest critical race theories (which is also important), but it’s embodying humility to what I will never know - the vast experiences of Black folks. And using my energy to dismantle white supremacy and anti Blackness within myself, in my relationships, in my community.
I’ve slowly been making my etsy shop more known! It’s been a fun side project and now that I’ve done it for 3 months - it finally feels real. If you’re interested in some march with messaging that resonates with you, check it out. Also, if you have any phrases/words you would like to see in the shop, let me know!
Cheers to finding a new normal:
Now that things feel more “normal” than it ever has been since last March, it feels exciting and terrifying at the same time. I’m excited to being in (safe) contact with friends I haven’t seen for more than a year and doing things that aren’t taking a walk 6 feet apart. It feels relieving to know that I’m not trapped at home. But it’s also terrifying, because it feels like everyone is hopping back into their previous pace - but I don’t want that. The integrity I felt in my body in how I integrated information and healing has been powerful. I can’t go back into this rush to live in a perpetual dissociated stated. On the other hand, I’m also ready to come out from that freeze state from all the anxiety the pandemic has surfaced. Phew. It’s alot, but I know I’m not alone. Things will continue to evolve, and I’m trusting the process of contraction and expansion.
Savor this summer:
I feel alot of gratitude for this season. Sending you lots of love and easeful summer vibes! Thanks for tuning in :)