heavy:
May has been real rough. Such deep grief from the Buffalo and Uvalde massacres - and so many more shootings. Such deep grief of the systems in place that uphold exploitation and harm people. Such deep grief of the state of things right now. I know too many people telling me friends and family they have lost from suicide. I find myself rushing away from sitting with the feelings, because it’s too constant and too much. I’m also facing some big questions in my relationships that are honest and difficult that is lined with so many layers of grief. But as much as I want to run away from feeling my personal and our collective grief, I always return to the fact that I’m not alone. I have such a rich system of support that’s interdependent. However overwhelming everything is, I have a community that takes care of each other - and I’m so thankful for that.
Grounding:
Pretty much every night of May, I’ve been having this routine that has been giving me joy. I have a big bowl of cara cara oranges that I eat in bed. Those oranges were SO sweet and juicy. I put them in the fridge so they become incredibly refreshing when I cut them up. It’s a silly little thing, but my bowl of night oranges helped me through this month.
Deadlines:
I was invited to participate in an AAPI market - it has been awhile since I’ve done art for any type of showing. It was almost relieving to have that deadline, because it helped focus my energy on being present. I was reminded how I really thrive off of having more structure. I feel like I’m always on this journey of releasing myself from capitalistic pressures while leaning into healthy structures. It’s so tricky! Because my capacity is constantly moving. I’m displaying art in a coffee shop in July - so I’ll be busy painting in June! I’ll keep you updated on how that goes.
GOLDEN MARKET:
It was SO FUN being part of the AAPI Market hosted by Volition Tea + Guild Row! More than 400 people attended, and the food vendors sold out half way. It was really amazing to meet the other AAPI vendors and be around so many fellow AAPI community members. The camaraderie was beautiful. I sold alot of my totes, tees, and art. So very thankful to be supported!
Art inspiration:
When life is busy and confusing and non stop, it takes extra intention to make space to create. And I find that when I finally do, inspiration doesn’t just come flowing - or at least not every time. In the past 2 weeks, I’ve been reminded that it’s ok if things don't come in a rush. It takes spaciousness to sit with what’s here. Extending myself patience is so need - and probably the one of the hardest thing to do. After a week of carving that space to sit with what I might want to explore, inspiration is creeping in…very slowly. I really resonate with the idea of “lined with grief” both in a concept and form. Where I am now, is that I’m not bogged down with that “theme” but it’s a piece that might make other ideas flow. If my mind/body is perked up by something, I’m committed to following that inspiration. So who knows where this will go! We will see what I come up in June.
Book:
disorientation by elaine hsieh chou
I haven’t finished it yet, but WOW - YOU HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK - especially if you’re interested in the Asian American experience. It explores themes of being an asian American woman in relations with academia, white people - white men, leftist politics, immigrant parents. The tone of it is really refreshing and surprising. I think the thing that captures me is that the protagonist isn’t a “woke” character, but she is maneuvering her identity in a very honest way…and funny way. It’s so good!
All about love by bell hooks
I am re-reading this book! It feels right to revisit it, and it’s hitting in a new and needed way. Love when books come in to your life at the right time.
Documentary series:
The way down on hbo
I watched the most fascinating documentary! It’s about a Remnant Fellowship, a weight-loss based Christian church, and its charismatic late founder Gwen Shamblin Lara. Having come from an evangelical christian background, I was SO familiar with everything in this documentary. It really shines a light on not only on this particular cult, but the cult of white evangelicalism in general. I would highly recommend this documentary if the themes of religion and weight loss is not triggering for you.
Meditative watercolors:
I teach this workshop at Guild Row every month, and EVERY month it’s so refreshing. As a facilitator, I’ve had so many different experiences in teaching and holding space. This setting is so peaceful and folks come in so ready to explore and create - it’s a really enjoyable experience. If you’re in the Chicago area, come join me on June 11th! Here is the LINK to register.
June is going to be easier:
Life ebbs and flows. Hope that June gives us all a breather and space to process + heal. Wishing you so much ease! (photo of me and Gus - pet sitting is the best!)