What are your intersections?
I identify as a female American, a Muslim-American, an Indian-American, and a Pakistani-American
What is your background?
My childhood was culturally confusing. I grew up in a small, predominantly white, middle class town in Ohio. I was a brown child of immigrants inside my house, but outside I thought I was white. There was no other way I knew how to be. There were no mirrors to reflect my ethnic identity (or really, any brown, immigrant household). I saw no representations of myself in any media (books, television, movies, signs/ads). And, perhaps because we didn't have a large Pakistani/Indian community, my parents did little to instill their home culture within my siblings and myself.
Yet, no matter how hard I tried to be just like everyone else, I was definitely different. I was not like them. I knew I didn’t completely fit. But I had no identity of my own to fill in the gaps.
Fast forward, my family moved to Houston, TX, a breeding ground for diversity, particularly amongst the immigrant community. Finally, I find others who shared my skin color, my ethnicity, my religion. For the first time in my life I found my mirrors, and thus began the process of piecing together my own identity.
How do your intersections affect you?
In order for intersections to affect you, you have to get to know them. When you’ve spent so much of your life denying who you are, this is no easy task. I have spent decades, of my life simply learning about who I am. I’ve researched my parents tribal communities and cities of birth. I’ve learned their ancient histories and it’s grounded me in a way I wish I’d had as a child. But learning is only the first part of the battle.
Before having kids, my husband and I spent some time living in Pakistan. I can’t describe the feeling of walking out of the airport and seeing people, as far as the eye can see, that look exactly like you. I was born and raised in a land far away, but these were my people.
This was home too.
Over the next few months I began to really understand my people. The values that existed in this new place. Pakistan and India, like many other parts of the world, value community above self. Which can put it at odds with American values that values the individual above all else. My journey of self discovery never centered on better or worse, but on understanding and valuing difference. I was finally learning to fill in my gaps.
This work will never be done. My people were a colonized people, and yet I live amongst the imperialists. There is so much to unpack. So much to shed.
And though I have a long road to go, I hope that at least now, I can give my children the tools early on to know who they are, and where they come from.
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#TWintersectionalfridays: Space to explore intersections of identity and systems of oppression. Space to tell your story. Space to listen. Every Friday of 2019. // Week 10/52. 'Saira' / 8x8 in. / mixed media on paper