Week 33 of #TWmemorymondays! Also tomorrow is my birthday so wish me a happy birthday by becoming an art patron - link in profile. #shamelessplug

Here is the memory: When I was a junior in college, I was home for the holidays, and went to church with my parents at the predominantly white church that I went to starting in high school. I probably was meeting my family at the car, because when I was walking through the parking lot alone I was greeted by someone. It was a middle aged white woman that I didn't know, and she "Hello! How are you? How was your international student class?" or something to that affect. She also said all of that in a slow exaggerated pronounced way. .
I quickly corrected her and told her I've been going to that church for the past 6 years and that I grew up in the Bay Area. I mentioned my parents' names thinking she probably knew of them. Then, we went our separate ways.

OK so we are going to dissect this short interaction. We will start with the white woman.

No surprise to why that ww said what she said - we can all probably recite this together. She saw that I wasn't white, assumed that I was from a different country = not american and didn't speak english (or at least well). This happens because white supremacy reigns: being american means being an english speaking white person. In her good intentions of being welcoming and kind, she didn't consider that I might be an asian american. Yet again, good intentions do not excuse racism.

Nothing new there, but this is the part that I think is interesting: my internal response. I was insulted, but not because she was ignorant or was calling out my otherness. I was insulted that she was grouping me in with the international students...because I didn't want to be associated with them. I was american and better than them. At that time, I didn't recognize all of that, but now I see it clearly. SO essentially, I was also taking on the lens that the ww had. I was being racist for being so offended to be considered as an international student.

It's embarrassing to admit, and I don't think that all of that is behind me. I see that prejudice peek through all the time. But a key part of untangling racial shame and really owning who I am is being more honest. That deep work of picking out white supremacy in me is crucial to healing and NOT perpetuating the whole system.

If you're a white or a POC, that deep work is necessary. Reading and talking about it only goes so far.
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#TWmemorymondays: A painting inspired by a memory every Monday of 2018. Connecting abstract art to real life. Week 33/53. 'Same Box' / 8x8 in / mixed media on paper