do black lives still matter?:
Now that things have “simmered” down - now what? I keep on thinking about a live video I watched that Aja Barber did, where she asked how many more Black people need to die in order for people to care. How many more deaths? What’s the number of deaths that need to be reached for people to realize everything needs to change?
The thing is - it’s not the lack of information or news. For white (and nbpoc), it’s the lack of wanting to give up privilege and resources. It’s the white fragility. It’s the fear of being uncomfortable. It’s the knowing that if they REALLY cared, everything in their life needs to change - so that the system can be dismantled. And as a nbpoc, that applies to me too! I need to work on my anti Blackness every day. I need to do my research, do my reconditioning, be comfortable with being uncomfortable in addressing, reckoning with my privilege, and figure out how to use my energy well. I need to be ready to use my body and voice in defense of Black folx.
Decolonial/antiracist/antibias work isn’t a calling. It is the minimum requirement if you believe that BIPOC deserve to be treated with dignity and equality. It shouldn’t be applauded. It shouldn’t be celebrated when people do minimum work.
My question is (especially for white people who are possibly committing performative allyship): Do Black lives still matter to you? Or do you think posting a black square and writing #listeningandlearning is enough? Do you feel just as heart broken when Black women and trans folx get murdered? What if no one knew your efforts? What if BIPOC still think you’re ignorant and racist after you think you’ve been doing the work? What lengths will you go to defend of your ego? Do your actions match your words? Are you open to being corrected? Do you have space for Black and brown rage?
ALSO DON’T FORGET BREONNA TAYLOR’S MURDERERS ARE OUT THERE LIVING THEIR BEST LIVES. !NO JUSTICE. NO PEACE.!
“Before you jump into theorizing, make sure you call and/or email the Kentucky Attorney General, Daniel Carmeron today and everyday, 502-696-5300/ attorney.general@ag.ky.gov, demanding that Mattingly, Cosgrove and Hankinson - the Louisville police officers that murdered Breonna Taylor are held accountable. Firing one officer isn’t the answer. He’s not even listening to Beyoncé so it’s going to take something.
And yes, I’m well aware arresting someone is not a practice of abolition and I also know that we have not yet abolished the police state and Breonna Taylor is no longer here, so an arrest/conviction and time needs to be served in the meantime.
None of these questions are rhetorical. Abolition is going to look like unearthing the foundation(s) of these questions (and so many more) not just to call it something but to STOP it from happening. Constantly questioning and calling out the the many formations of white supremacy regardless of how harmless you believe it to be is necessary and life saving. #justiceforbreonnataylor”
GRIEF + REST
I SHARED THIS ON IG:
Don't confuse:
Rest with apathy, refusal to fight white supremacy, or laziness. I rest so that I can fuel more righteous rage, more radical joy, more pro Black and Indigenous action, more honest introspection, more collective healing, more grieving.
Honoring our BIPOC grief is life long, and takes energy.
Why are we constantly processing grief?
Here are some possible things to grieve that might apply to you over your lifetime (many of them overlapping):
Childhood trauma
Adult trauma
Relational trauma
Relational endings
Ancestral trauma
Racial trauma
Racial/systemic oppression
Internalized oppression
The suffering* of your ethnic or racial community
*Suffering: disease, poverty, violence, exploitation, etc.
The suffering of our BIPOC local community
The suffering of our BIPOC global community
Unjust/violent death of BIPOC / genocide / incarceration
Separation of families because of systemic oppression
Anticipatory grief // especially during the pandemic
Death of loved ones
Global warming / environmental death
Everything born from hetero patriarchy, capitalism, white supremacy, ableism, etc. etc.
The loss of what you thought would be - wasn’t and isn’t
Loss of not knowing what you know now earlier - grief for perpetuating internal/external oppression
And the list goes on
Books:
Kindred by Octavia E. Butler
Finally finished it, and wow what a masterpiece! Many many parts were very difficult to read, but Octavia Butler writes so intentionally, deliberately, and beautifully. How she weaves sci fi with reality is really phenomenal.
Parable of the sower by Octavia E. Butler
Can’t stop! Also finished this book this month.
What’s next on the book list? Living for Change by Grace Lee Boggs!
What’s been bringing me joy:
Citrus water
Every day I make myself an infused water that I refill with more water the entire day. Typically I would juice a lemon or two limes, add mint or basil if I have some, frozen strawberries, a little unsweetened cranberry juice, water, and shake it up with ice. It’s so refreshing and helps me stay hydrated!
PANDEMIC LIVING:
For the first time since mid March, I ventured outside without having intense anxiety. THREE TIMES, I went a block away from my apartment to a quiet lawn and read under a tree. Simple things aren’t so simple anymore. As I’m watching people walk past my apartment without masks on, it reminds me of how different reality is for everyone. What a way to move! Without anxieties of catching or spreading a deadly virus, without a fear of racist assaults, without thinking twice of the consequences of their actions. What luxury!
It’s been interesting trying to take small steps out of all the anxiety. I celebrate being ok with walking one block away and that I can enjoy the sun, wind, trees. One day at a time.
My dear friend, Brit, sent this tweet by Angie Thomas to me the other day. I can’t get it out of my head, because it’s so true! Especially for BIPOC, society has made it where white people feel like they have the right to demand for our labor. The weight of responsibility is ALWAYS on Black and brown shoulders. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard white people talk about how they don’t know what they don’t know because Black and brown folx haven’t kindly shared with them. White supremacy is holding white bodies as supreme over Black and brown bodies - white supremacy demands Black and brown bodies to serve white bodies.
As a Chinese woman (and if you’re BIPOC, you can relate), I am trained to appease white people. To make them like me. To make them think I’m not as foreign as they thought. To make them feel comfortable around me. My decolonial healing looks like refusing to cater to white people. It looks like celebrating my rage and the rage of my Black and brown community. It looks like making space where BIPOC can be. It looks like not defining my success by white/colonial/capitalistic standards. It looks like standing my ground when that white ego gets bristled.
So I love this tweet, because the response to “no” says so much. It shows who is supreme. It shows if the relationship is mutual. It shows if that person/institution thinks they have the right over your time/labor/body.
New workshop series:
In April, I led my first online workshop with Black and brown folx on decolonial healing and Self Compassion. I thought that would be the only one I would do, because at that point I was under the impression being in quarantine would only last a couple of weeks. HA! And then I decided to lead another month of workshops about Interdependence. A balm to my soul. This time around I knew better, and decided to continue. Long before the BLM protests, the need to grieve collectively was heavy on my heart. So in June, we went through three weeks of practicing Grief + rest, pleasure, and imagination.
I have to say that this experience has changed me - is changing me. The generosity within these groups is so refreshing, so honest, so HEALING. I can’t say that word enough! It’s healing my wounds and my fear to trust people. Every Saturday, I sit in awe after the workshops feeling so honored to be to share space with such glorious Black and brown humans.
I’m SO EXCITED about the next workshop series! We will be exploring ancestral connection and rituals. I felt my ancestors calling me to lead this series, and I’m trusting them to continue to guide. Something I know for sure is that grief will continue to be practiced. I’m looking forward to making space for deep grief as well as offering guidance in inviting ancestors to support us. Registration is open!
What is time?
Another month has past that felt like a decade. Who knows what July will bring! All I know is that I’m determined to continue to heal, experience bountiful community, confront internal oppression and anti Blackness, embody joy, and honor my grief.